Thoughts on Love Readings- And Why You'll Never see them on My Page and in my Business.

(3-5 min read)

Content notes: Guilt, gaslighting, emotional exploitation, sexuality shaming, jealousy, heartache.

I've been asked a few times lately about love readings- 'tis the season after all, with spring springing and people either pairing up or being quietly jealous (or scornful) of those that do. Often times said folks are confused as to why I don't DO love readings, especially since they're such a popular service among readers and psychics all over the world, not just in local circles.

The answer is kind of complicated, but it boils down to two things: They're exploitative, and they make me feel 'icky'.

'Exploitative??' you might be thinking. 'How on earth is giving people a reading exploiting them??'

Let's take a look at the Hollywood imagery of a love reading, and maybe it'll start to make sense.

A person, let's say for stereotypical purposes a woman, looking drawn and very slightly disheveled, enters a dimly lit, dusty looking psychic's parlor, and is by one means or another ushered into 'the back room' wherein she tells her story of sorrow, in which she's been dumped by the father of her child, and she 'just wants to know how to get him back because I can't do this alone'.

The reader smiles, knowingly and sympathetically, but the look in their eyes clearly reads 'ka-ching!'

Cue the reading, (and whether the cards are forced or not through sleight of hand is irrelevant,) but the meaning always comes down to 'love and heal yourself and love will follow', 'there's plenty of fish in the sea', 'everything happens for a reason', 'just remember the good things'. The woman, tearing up and nodding, leaves after paying an unknown sum, feeling galvanized and more determined than ever to make her broken relationship work.

Now I'm sure about equal parts of my readers are doing one of two things: nodding in agreement... or cringing so hard your shoulders have met under your chin and your stomach just heaved to meet them.

Hopefully more of you belong to the latter half, because the reality is: all of the phrases I just mentioned have come from an open poll of folks asked what the single most infuriatingly useless advice is after a heartbreak.

Yup, you read that correctly. Useless.

Because all these phrases do, under all their well-meaning, is say either 'you've brought this on yourself in one way or another' or 'none of this is under your control and you have no power to change it'.

And here's where we come to the exploitation.

People who are hurting are more likely to believe these two things- that it's their fault, and that they have no power. They are desperate. They're 'damaged', whatever that means. They may have been labouring under the thumb of an abusive or manipulative partner and their mind is all sorts of messed up.

And readers and psychics KNOW this. Some JOKE about it, diminutize the suffering and just say 'Oh yeah, Randi asked me for another love reading, that's her fifth one in as many months, she's really getting around'. Doubly so for those that sell love potions and charms, because not only do those exploit the emotions of the buyer, but their intent is to override and affect the will of another person. Put in short, and in brutal truth: They DO NOT CARE.

Now, don't get me wrong, some readers are wonderful people and I know several that do love readings and the like. But often, they have not considered the deep gravity of the service they offer and its possible consequences, and so lack the kind of consideration that people in our position should be putting into what we say- because people LISTEN.

Spiritual guides, be they life coaches, readers, psychics, or mediums - the good ones of us recognize that, despite being for 'entertainment purposes', people do take us seriously, and may base the decisions of their lives with our advice in heavy weight. We have a responsibility to temper our intuition with good sense, to offer a balance between comfort and practical advice.

This becomes INCREDIBLY difficult to manage in matters of the heart. I don't know what you've gone through, not really. I may have gut feelings, hints, instincts, and related flashbacks of my own traumas in resonance with your energy. But I don't KNOW. No one can know but you, even if a thousand people have suffered your hurt there is no one who has lived through YOUR experiences. That's why they make you FEEL so alone despite knowing that there are those that understand and empathize.

Personally, I don't feel as if I have a right to offer commentary to your heart. I am more than happy to listen when you feel no one else does, to be a shoulder to lean on, to guide you through a moment, an hour, a decade of pain and vulnerability. Folks in my life can vouch for this, 100 percent. But, I don't want to monetize your discomfort. I don't want to be paid for lip service either, to tell you "I can get you your man back" or "I can make your cheating girlfriend regret it". The idea of doing it for money, of telling you how to fix your broken partner or tricks to help you bag a date... of sacrificing integrity for gain, makes me nauseous.

To treat a problem of the heart, you have to help the whole self, which is where love readings become something else entirely. No, not even 'self-love' readings- they become whole-life readings, advice on how to endure, relearn, break cycles, and overcome, which is so, so much more than love and loss.

So no, I don't do love readings, nor do I recommend them. But, if you're willing to speak, I am willing to hear, and I'm willing to walk with you.